We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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