The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I did not marry a roomba.
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