i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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