my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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