Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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