In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
