I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
