The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
