Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
