I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i drank out of a bidet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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