you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
