every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
