and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
