I'm drive I can fine osifer
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
