Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
