you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
