I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
