Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
high people should be assigned attendants
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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