Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
