During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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