I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
