I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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