Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
