Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
