it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
