I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
