Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
