I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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