Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
