I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your penis caused this!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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