chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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