I'm going to jail i love you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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