can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
