it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
