I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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