swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
