I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
