I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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