She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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