I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
