dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
