awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
