Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
