Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
