I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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