I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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