please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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