I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
