Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
