i barfeds in our rink
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
