i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize