Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
