dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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