I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
