Only a mothe r could love this liver
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
