you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
love makes seman taste better
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
