plz talk dirty to me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
