She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How naked do you want me to be?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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