I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
