We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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