I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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