it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The air was thick with penises
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
