In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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