I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
