i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
