Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
