My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
